I should never say the famous words outloud that I will be having a CALM weekend. As soon as I drop the calm bomb things only get wilder.


Ona’s calm vision of what her Friday night would be:


With more

tenor (1)

But instead it was…


A crate of WKD’s at Jeanine’s flat? We’d taken a wee trip in a time machine back to being fucking 12 years old and it was ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS.

The evening commenced with a trip to the cinema to see THE INCREDIBLES 2. Me and Jeanine took Metters a long with us (well he kind of invited himself). But Metters is like our work child. He works in the IT team and does nothing but eat shit food and video games in his free time. He takes lots of stick from us whilst we’re trying to fix him up.

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If you like what you see I would happily give you his number for some awks chat ladies.

Throughout the whole film we were all in bits, dying with laughter and admittedly getting a bit tipsy with the beginning of the WKD sesh. We were all like….


After the cinema I cried a bit because my future kids will never be as cool as Jack Jack.

It also does make you a bit depressed that you are not a superhero. Convinced there may be a chance I was, I went all weird on the escalators at the VUE in Leeds. Soz to anyone that saw my moves. But it was honestly amazing everyone, if you can I’d get your ass there pronto to see it.

Metters left us and me and Jeanine went back to her flat for my LAST TIME. She’s moving next weekend when I’m in Tomorrowland so I’m absolutely heartbroken that I had to say bye to that amazing space. 

We smashed open some WKD’s (ABSOLUTELY TOO MUCH LOL). Then we put on some weird and wonderful tunes varying from Runaround Sue to some disgusting(ly good) bassline?? For most of the boogying I got insanely sweaty in this weird fox mask I found in the flat. In this pic it weirdly looks like a volcano dick.


After losing a stone from pulling shapes I will never be attempting again, Karl returned to the flat. He was spangoooolied from his shift and then things only got weirder. We put Iggy, Cardi B and other bad gal women on and me and Jeanine saw Karl very rigidly twerk, for free, on the wall, on the floor, on chairs, on sofas, on the bookcase, on me. It was so cute.

Karl said he was making another pornstar, didn’t return for like 20 mins and we discovered him in bed. To be honest the guy has been drunk for like 9 days straight cause of his bday and bar job so I left sleeping beauty be. CREDIT WHERE IT’S DUE BOO.

Me and Jeanine passed out with blue tongues from all the WKD’s to Wolf Of Wall Street, tipsy af at like 3am after our mini mad house party.


We woke up fairly early at like 9 as Jeanine was heading to London at 11. By 10:10am me and Karl had destroyed a full tub of salted caramel ice cream from Aldi. All I’m saying is:


We scoffed it like Mrs Salted Caramel had legs and was trying to jet off from us. 

Once back home in the afternoon I was speaking with my home girls about the night as Saskia was hosting a graduation night out with everyone. Due to my mental antics of recent, not only am I SKINT but my body needed a break. So out of character, I expressed I’d only be joining them for prinks and would not be going to Leeds. 20 seconds later Tyler had convinced me to go out. So I was out.

I went fairly casual in my Tophop market jeans and lovely satin shirt from NA-KD.

This shirt is only 14 quid in their sale! A long with loads of other mega bits. Anything not on sale you can still get 20% off with my code hfgreenwood20! Link here.

I wore my lovely new hamsa hand necklace from CarterGore as well which I’m totally in love with. It’s quality is insane. It’s a shame my pics can’t justify the immense detail and quality of the necklace but it really is stunning. It’s always worth investing in proper jewellery than shit loads of 3 quid tings from ASOS etc. Link to their website here.

We all met at Sas’s first which means one thing n one thing only, UNLIMITED SUPPLY OF WHATEVER BOOZE U WANT.  You can never not have a drink in your hand stood in their done out bar/play house/garage. Em, Ty and Olive made it and the 5 of us had A LOT LOT to catch up on from the last month. I filled them in on the nitty gritties of Ibiza and learnt how absolutely happy and mint all my friends are at the moment.

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Proud of every single one of them.

Sas has just graduated and has so much to look forward to right now. Ty is the MOST confident I’ve ever ever seen her, literally glowin smashing her new job and is getting in sick shape. Olive is loving saving lives n being a nurse n that. She’s also just got in her first eva relationship and he’s a gem, she was glowing equally – love that honeymoon period life. Em is just on another level, she’s a yummy mummy that continues to make us proud as hell every day!!! 

We made it a bit of a mission within the night to make it as CHEAP as poss. Little did we know how much we’d actually succeed at this! I snook out gin with me and bought like 2 tonics and 1 vodka lemonade in Revs. I’ll be smuggling a whole lot more lol.

We went to Neighbourhood which was shit obviously, it’s just full of tarts and lads that want gals to think they have money. Ty told me to get a grip as I was “out with the middle class now”. Lol. We had a strong boogie but fled there relatively quickly. Well after getting 4 free gin and tonics at the bar, when a lad trying to impress loads of birds didn’t have the money to pay for all the drinks he’d ordered HAHAHAHAHA. Em had to leave us at this point cause she got a bit poorly but she’s a mummy so she’s allowed to bail.

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Then we walked or HIKED as Ty would have described to Call Lane. Pretty sure I had to piggy back Sas at one point because of a wrong choice of shoe.

We went firstly into Norman’s and then to Call Lane Social. I’ve come away with my 5th Hula necklace now, it’s getting a joke. I may have to hold a hula girl fancy dress party to make bloody use out of them.

We had a sick time in the Tiki bar and we moved on to mingin Revs for a bit. Finally we went to Backroom cause I’m sorry but if it’s within sight of me I’m going in. It was rammmmmed so we struggled on the dance floor but still had a sick time. Sas had  forced switching shoes with Olive, Olive resisted strongly but Sas managed to make a swap some how and then poor Olive wobbled like Jelly for the last 20 mins of the evening. I was obviously pissing myself.

The largest transaction of my whole evening was my unnecessary £12 takeaway at the end of the night. No one needs as much food as I ordered. 

A weekend with nothing but sick people I’d say. Love them all.

9 thoughts on “I Will Get Married, To My Friends.

      1. Ha ha!! Send it back!! Well, why didn’t I THINK OF THAT!! Just slap a “defective” sticker on it that says “not Jack Jack” and leave it for the stork to take back! 🤣🤣🤣


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